[image description: A baby red panda cub lies on its side on a floral table, gently nibbling the fingers of the person taking the photo]
HEY SO IT’S BEEN A WHILE
HERE’S A FUCKING BLUE-EYED NIBBLY FUZZBUCKET TO MAKE UP FOR IT
I AM FAIRLY SURE IT’S ILLEGAL IN SEVERAL COUNTRIES TO BE THIS CUTE
JUST FUCK LOOK AT ALL THE FLUFF IT’S GOT GOING ON THERE
I BET IF YOU STROKED IT YOU WOULD NEVER BE UNHAPPY AGAIN
[image description: An owl is perched on a mossy rock, looking down at a red leaf.]
SOMETIMES LIFE GIVES YOU STUFF
AND YOU LOOK AT IT LIKE
WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT?!
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
SOMETIMES IT’S JUST A LEAF.
SO YOU GOTTA CHILL OUT
EXAMINE ALL THE EVIDENCE
AND TACKLE WHATEVER LIFE THROWS AT YOU WITH A CALM HEAD.
[image description: the face and right paw of a raccoon can be seen peering out from a pair of jeans that are hung on a washing line]
THIS RACCOON RIGHT HERE
THIS RACCOON DON’T CARE IF PEOPLE SAY SHE CAN’T WEAR HUMAN CLOTHES
OR JUDGE HER FOR BUYING JEANS CLEARLY SEVERAL SIZES TOO LARGE
WHO GIVES A FUCK? THEY’RE COMFY AND SHE LIKES THEM
PLUS IT’S DAMN COZY IN WINTER
YOU KEEP ROCKING THOSE JEANS
[video description: a baby goat repeatedly hops up and down between a stump and an overturned bucket while an adult goat watches]
LOOK AT THIS KID
FUCKING JUMPING AND SHIT ALL OVER THE PLACE
DO YOU KNOW WHY HE IS JUMPING?
BECAUSE WHY NOT, THAT’S WHY
LIFE’S TOO SHORT TO WORRY ABOUT CONSEQUENCES
JUST JUMP AROUND LIKE YOU HAVEN’T GOT A CARE IN THE WORLD
[image description: A rather fuzzy baby red panda is held in the hands of a person. It is yawning in the direction of the camera.]
SAY HELLO TO THIS LITTLE FUZZBUCKET
PART PANDA, PART FUCKING ADORABLE
[image description: a black and white husky puppy with a blue collar looks inquisitively at the outstretched hand of a person to the left of the camera]
WHOA IT’S BEEN A WHILE GUYS
HAVE A PUPPY TO MAKE UP FOR THE WAIT
YOU KNOW WHY I LOVE PUPPIES?
BECAUSE THEY’RE ALWAYS SO FUCKING HAPPY
EVERY SINGLE TIME
“OH MY GOD, IT’S SOMETHING! LOOK AT IT LOOK LOOK LOOK I AM SO EXCITED BY THIS THING MY GOD CAN YOU SEE THIS I MAY ACTUALLY DIE FROM HOW HAPPY I AM!”
YEAH PUPPY, YOU TELL THEM.
[image description: a golden retriever puppy rests its forepaws on the canvas shoe of a person, licking the person’s leg.]
CALL THE GOVERNMENT
TELL THE POLICE
THE PUPPIES HAVE REACHED THE CUTENESS SINGULARITY
WE ARE ALL DOOMED
DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMED BY FLUFFYNESS
THIS IS THEIR SECRET PLAN
TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD BY BEING INSUFFERABLY ADORABLE
WATCH OUT FOR PUPPIES, THEY’RE TRICKY BAS-
OH BUT IT’S SO FUZZYYYYY LOOK AT HIS LITTLE FACE MY GOD
[image description: a polar bear in water at a zoo. It has pressed its forepaw against its face and looks like it is facepalming.]
SO MAYBE SOMETHING’S GETTING YOU DOWN, LIKE THIS GUY HERE
I THINK HE LEFT THE GAS ON
OR FORGOT HIS WALLET WHEN HE WAS GOING TO THE STORE
BUT WHAT YOU GOTTA DO
YOU ARE AWESOME.
YES, YOU. YOU ARE FUCKING MARVELLOUS AND YOU SHOULD BE PROUD OF WHO YOU ARE.
MAYBE YOU’RE A POLAR BEAR WITH SOME FREAKY WICKED TRANSLUCENT FUR
MAYBE YOU ARE SECRETLY A HEDGEHOG
MAYBE YOU’RE A PERSON
WHATEVER, YOU FUCKING ROCK AND DON’T LET ANYTHING MAKE YOU THINK OTHERWISE.
[image description: a cardboard box containing five tortoiseshell and ginger kittens rests on the ground by a brick wall. “FREE KITTENS” is written on the box, with the R backwards.]
HIT ME UP ON SOME OF THAT
FIVE LITTLE FUZZBALLS
BACKWARDS LETTERS FOR ADDED ADORABLE
TAKE ONE AND SEE ME IN THE MORNING
[image description: four white tiger cubs held in the hands of two people. Three of the cubs appear to be asleep, and the second from the right is yawning.]
I FEEL LIKE
MAYBE I SHOULD TURN OFF CAPSLOCK
TO AVOID WAKING THESE SICKENINGLY ADORABLE THINGS
BUT THEY ARE TOO CUTE NOT TO CAPSLOCK
THEY ARE SO FUCKING CUTE
THAT ALL I CAN SAY IS
I THINK THAT ABOUT COVERS IT